Homestuck Script Episode One
by Dunnowhatthatsabout
Summary: A script I wrote for a episode one of homestuck. It consists of almost all of Act One. Please R&R! It's rated T for language.


A/N: Please excuse the format. fanfiction apparently don't like tabs. :/

TEASER

FROM BLACK:

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

A boy is hanging a poster in his room. As he finishes, his COMPUTER beeps in the background, a FRIEND is messaging him. He turns, we realize that this boy is no other than JOHN EGBERT (13), a boy with dark hair, glasses, wearing shorts and a T-shirt with a picture of a green slime ghost on it.

John walks over to his computer, letting us see his full room. His walls are covered in AWFUL MOVIE POSTERS. CAKES are scattered around the room. An array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS lay on the floor near a chest. This includes 2 FAKE ARMS, ONE PAIR OF TRICK HANDCUFFS, ONE STUNT SWORD, ONE MAGICIAN'S HAT, ONE PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL SMOKE PELLETS, SEVERAL BLOOD CAPSULES, and ONE COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT.

A calendar on the wall has TWO DATES marked. APRIL 10th and APRIL 13th. The 10th has BETA! written above it in huge letters. The 13th has BIRTHDAY written on it. A GAME BRO magazine sits open on the bed, turned to an article about SBURB.

John opens up PESTERCHUM, a video chatting application. A blurred image of his FRIEND, TG, appears on the screen.

TG

Hey John, so what sort of insane look did

you rake in today?

JOHN

I got this awesome Little Monsters

poster. I'm planning on watching it

again later. The apple juice scene was

so funny!

TG

Oh hell, that's a coincidence. Just

found an unopened container of apple

juice in my closet. It's like fucking

Christmas up in here!

JOHN

Have you ever even seen a movie called Little

Monsters starring Howie Mandel and Fred

Savage?

TG

Dude, the seal is unbroken. Are you

suggesting someone put pee in my

apple juice at the factory?

JOHN

Don't you think monster Howie Mandel

has the power to do something as simple

as reseal a bottle?

Try using your brain numbnuts.

TG

Why did the fat kid or whoever drank it

know what piss tastes like? I mean his

reaction was nigh instantaneous.

JOHN

It was the 15th day in a row Howie Mandel

peed in his juice.

TG

I can accept that. Monster B-list

celebrity douchebags are cunning and

persistent pranksters, and Fred

Savage has a really punchable face...

But who cares? Let's stop talking

about this. Did you get the beta yet?

JOHN

No. Did you?

TG

Man, I got two copies already, but I

don't care. I'm not going to play it

or anything.

Did you see how it got smashed in

Game Bro?

JOHN

Game Bro is a joke and we both know

it.

TG

Yeah. Why don't you check your mail?

JOHN

Alright.

John walks over to his window. He notices that the arm on the mail box is up. His dad pulls into the driveway. John watches, crestfallen, as his dad takes the mail on his way inside.

TG

(In the background)

Is it there? Please say yes. Maybe

you can play with TT she's been

pestering me all day.

She's mackin' on me so hard all the

time I start to feel embarrassed

for her.

I mean, not that I can blame her

or anything.

John walks back over to the computer and sits down.

JOHN

(Sarcastically)

Yes, it is understandable because

you are really attractive. I am

attracted to you.

TG

Thank you.

JOHN

(laughs)

Jk. And no, I don't have it yet.

My dad has the mail and I guess

I have to get it form him and see

if it's there...

Maybe...

John walks over to his array of ARTIFACTS. He puts on his BEAGLE PUSS and MAGICIAN'S HAT. He rolls up GAME BRO and sticks it in his back pocket.

TG

(In the background)

John?

John faces the computer in his new disguise.

JOHN

John? Who is this "John" you speak

of? I am quite certain there has

never been, not ever will be-

TG

That is a really shitty disguise.

JOHN

(Pretending to be offended)

Don't insult my disguise!

TG

(Laughs)

Yeah, whatever man. Just go get

the Beta from your dad.

ACT ONE

INT. HALLWAY- JOHN'S HOUSE- DAY

The walls of the hall way are lined with pictures of HARLEQUINS. John walks downstairs into the LIVING ROOM.

INT. LIVING ROOM- DAY

There is a CAKE in the couch and a LARGE PRESENT in the middle of the room. Over the FIREPLACE is a JAR OF ASHES, a picture of JOHN'S GRANDMA over that. In the corner there are shelves of FANCIFUL HARLEQUINS.

John picks up his father's PIPE, sitting on a table near the couch, and adds it to his DISGUISE.

John walks over to the FIREPLACE, fire burning. He throws GAME BRO in it. John then walks over to the LARGE PRESENT in the middle of the room. He opens it and finds a LARGE HARLEQUIN DOLL. He sets it on the couch.

In the background he hears his computer. John then goes back up stairs to his room.

INT. BEDROOM- DAY

John opens up PESTERCHUM. It is another one of his FRIENDS, TT. Her image appears blurry as well.

TT

I understand you have come into

possession of the beta release of

"The Game of the Year", as features

in respectable periodicals such as

Game Bro Magazine.

JOHN

That's an ugly rumor. Whoever told

you that is a filthy liar. You should

probably stop hitting on him all

the time or whatever.

TT

I can't control myself, I have a

weakness for insufferable pricks.

JOHN

Anyway, I still haven't checked the

mail, my dad still has it. I'm

trying to go get it from him.

TT

John.

JOHN

What?

TT

You're wearing one of your shitty

disguises now.

JOHN

Can't you see me?

TT

No, the screens all glitchy.

JOHN

So it's like that for you too?

TT

Yep. So you ARE wearing something

completely ridiculous while you're

talking to me.

JOHN

No. Why would you think that? That's

so stupid.

TT

Ok. So why don't you go get the game

from your father?

JOHN

Yeah, I'm just going to check the

mail box real fast first. Oh, and I

was wearing a funny disguise the

whole time. Gotcha!

(Laughs)

TT

I know John. I know.

Before leaving, John takes a few smoke pellets and sticks them in his pocket.

INT. LIVING ROOM- DAY

John goes back downstairs. He pokes his head through the door, we see his dad BAKING in a KITCHEN.

EXT. FRONT LAWN- DAY

John walks outside. The neighborhood is silent and empty. A tire swing sways slightly in the wind from the tree in John's backyard. He checks the mail box, it is empty.

Walking back to the house, John notices a GREEN PACKAGE and a SLIP OF PAPER in the LOCKED CAR. John GROANS.

INT. KITCHEN- DAY

He walks back into the house, and into the kitchen. We see John's DAD standing in the middle of the KITCHEN holding a HUGE CAKE. On the TABLE rests a RED PACKAGE, some BILLS, his DAD'S CELL PHONE, and an envelope with the SBURB LOGO. John takes off his disguise. STRIFE! blinks on the screen when John enters the kitchen.

John's dad won't let him to the TABLE! He is blocking the way with a GIANT CAKE he tries to give John. John ATTACKS, HITTING the HUGE CAKE. John's dad reacts by SHOVING the HUGE CAKE at John. John throws the smoke pellets from his pockets on the ground. His dad suddenly becomes busy placating the SMOKE DETECTOR.

John sneaks by and takes the CELL PHONE, the ENVELOPE and PACKAGE. John runs back into his room.

INT. JOHN'S BEDROOM- DAY

John's computer is beeping off the hook. John opens up PESTERCHUM and TG's blurry face appears.

TG

Hey GG is looking for you. Why are

you so popular all of the sudden?

Is today some sort of special occasion

or something? Did you do something to

curry favor with the ladies?

Did you break your leg on a puppy

or something?

JOHN

I discovered a comet that is going

to destroy the earth, and it was

named after me. Now I am famous,

and everyone wants to talk to me

a lot.

TG

No. Stop. Just, no. Don't make

references to your awful stupid

movies. Your gross man-bro crush

on Matt Macconhay is an unsavory

thing to behold.

JOHN

McConaughey.

TG

Sounds like a noise a horse would

make. Equally dumb are all those

pictures of that clown you've got

hanging up.

JOHN

Those are my dad's.

TG

I was talking about Nick Cage.

JOHN

What?! No man, Cage is sweet.

So sweet.

TG

(laughs)

Lame. You don't even like him

ironically or anything, this is

like for real isn't it?

(laughs again)

JOHN

(Defensive)

I do things ironically sometimes.

What about what I sent you for your

birthday?

TG

No. Those are awesome.

JOHN

What? No. They're stupid. That was the

joke. The IRONIC joke. Get it? You wear

them ironically...wait... you're wearing

them for real aren't you?

TG

I'm wearing them ironically. Because

they're awesome. The fact that they're

ironic makes them awesome, and vice

versa.

Are you taking notes on how to be

cool? Jesus get a fucking pen!

JOHN

You do realize they touched Stiller's

weird, sort of gaunt face at some point.

TG

Ew. Yeah. Oh well. So did you

get the mail?

JOHN

Yeah.

TG

Did there happen to be a package

there?

JOHN

Yeah. There's a big red one.

TG

You should probably open it.

JOHN

I would, but I really want to get

started on the SBURB Beta... so I

will probably open it after I install

the beta.

TG

Oh man. The beta came.

JOHN

Yeah! Wanna play it?

TG

No way.

JOHN

Why not?

TG

It sound so HELLS of boring just

get TT to play it she is all

about that.

JOHN

Where'd she go?

TG

Her internet is blinking in and

out I guess. Probably be back online

soon.

John exits out of PESTERCHUM and slips the SBURB BETA CD into his computer and installs it.

A load screen appears on the monitor. Looks like it's going to take a while.

John walks over to his bed and opens up the RED PACKAGE. He pulls out a STUFFED BUNNY from Malkovich's Cyrus "The Virus" along with a NOTE OF AUTHENTICITY.

John's computer bleeps again in the background. SBURB is installed and ready to go. One of John's FRIENDS, TT, is trying to get a hold of him. Her blurred face appears on the screen.

TT

It looks like you managed to retrieve

the beta. Excellent. I'm going to try

to connect.

JOHN

Whoa. Okay. But I just go the most

awesome present.

TT

The rabbit?

JOHN

SO SWEET.

TT

I've heard tales of this wretched

creature often. It's Homeric legend

is practically ensconced in the fold

of my personal mythology by now.

JOHN

(Laughing)

What?

TT

Why don't we focus on the matter

at hand?

JOHN

Oh, the game. Okay. I don't really

know how this works. What am I even

looking at here?

TT

You are running the client application.

I am running the server, so I am the

host user. I have established a connection

with you. This is sufficient for us

to play the game.

JOHN

Ah, okay then.

TT

Why don't we get started?

John presses enter on his keyboard and the game starts to load.

ACT TWO

INT. BEDROOM- DAY

INTERFACE BUTTONS appear over the top of the screen. The game begins.

TT clicks on the SELECT button and picks up John's MAGIC TRUNK. She then zooms out and places the trunk on John's ROOF.

JOHN

Whoa. What are you doing?!

TT

Sorry. I'm just getting a feel for

the controls.

JOHN

Is my magic chest of the roof now?

TT

Yes.

JOHN

(Sarcastically)

Great.

TT

I will try to be more careful next

time.

John leaves his computer and looks out of his window. His dad backs out of the drive way and drives off.

TT attempts to take the tire swing off of the tree in the front yard. A red circle appears around the house, and flashes every time TT's clicker bounces off the invisible force field.

TT

That's odd.

JOHN

What is it?

TT

I tried to mess with the tire swing.

JOHN

So?

TT

It wouldn't let me. It appears to be

out of range. I'm guess it is too far

away from you, the "player".

TT then tries to pick John up. John reacts to the cursor, throwing a bit of a fit to throw it off. TT can't select a PLAYER.

TT then selects the REVISE button and adds on another portion to John's room. She then opens the PHERNALIA REGISTRY and deploys a TOTEM LATHE.

TT then opens the GRIST CACHE.

TT

It seems expanding the dimensions of

your room cost us some "Build Grist".

But deploying the lathe did not

appear to incur any expense. It looks

like certain objects are freebies,

probably to help you set up the

game.

John messes with some of the buttons and gadgets on the TOTEM LATHE.

JOHN

Wow. Ok. What do they do?

TT

I think it's up to you to find out.

All I can do is drop stuff in your

house, and move it around, apparently.

JOHN

How do I move stuff around?

It sounds like fun!

TT

I don't think you can as the client.

You will need to install the server

application. You should have received

both. I am running both right now.

JOHN

What?

TT

Didn't you get another envelope

in the mail?

JOHN

No!

TT

Once you install the server and

establish a connection, I'm sure

you will be able to manipulate my

environment in the same manner.

Are you sure you didn't get it?

JOHN

Oh man. I think I might know where

it is.

FLASHBACK to inside the car, under the GREEN PACKAGE was a ENVELOPE. John groans.

Downstairs, TT selects the DEPLOY button and sets the CRUXTRUDER in front of the front door. Upstairs, on the balcony, she deploys the ALCHEMITER.

JOHN (V.O)

Why is the floor shaking? Are you

dropping more stuff in my house?

TT (V.O)

Yes. Two more large gizmos.

JOHN (V.O)

Sweet! What is will all these big

contraptions?

TT (V.O)

If I had to guess, they appear to

facilitate a sort of system involving

punch card-based alchemy.

JOHN (V.O)

Huh. To what end? I mean, what are

we supposed to be doing in this game?

TT (V.O)

That remains to be seen. Maybe you

should go investigate?

John grabs the CELL PHONE. He opens up PESTERCHUM and keeps it open with him as he walks around. He walks out to the balcony to looks at the ALCHEMITER.

JOHN

Hey, I'm out on the balcony now.

I'm talking through my dad's phone.

Do you think I should change the

background before I put it back? Or

change all of his ringtones or

something?

TT (V.O)

I am not sensing a lot of regard for

personal property of others. Is this

how your pent-up frustration with

your father manifests itself?

JOHN

What? No. Please take your psycho-

babblery elsewhere, miss!

I'm going to have a look at this

enormous platformy thing you put on

the balcony.

John examines the ALCHEMITER in a cautious manner. Seeing no controls, he decides just to stand on it.

John's dad's cell phone bleeps. One of John's FRIENDS is trying to talk to him.

GG (V.O)

Hi. Happy 13th Birthday John!

Did you get my package?

JOHN

Hey! No. Not yet.

GG (V.O)

Darn! Are you sure? It was in a

green box...

JOHN

Oh! Yes, but it is in my dad's car

and he is still out at the store I

think. He should be back soon.

GG (V.O)

Great! So what are you up to today?

John

I am up to my neck in this SBURB stuff.

TT is making a royal mess of my house.

GG (V.O)

(Giggles)

Whoa! What was that?!

JOHN

What was what?

GG (V.O)

There was a loud noise outside my

house! It sounded like an explosion!

JOHN

Wow, really?

GG (V.O)

I will go outside and look...

JOHN

Oh man, alright but be careful, ok?

GG (V.O)

I will!

GG leaves the conversation. He walks downstairs to the living room.

INT. LIVING ROOM- DAY

JOHN

Oh hell no. You put this thing in

front of the door?

TT

There's a door there?

JOHN

Um, YEAH?

TT

I didn't see it. I just thought it fit

nicely in that groove.

JOHN

You mean you thought it was elegant?

Ok, well what do I do with this thing?

Hello? What are you doing up there now?

John climbs up the side of the CRUXTRUDER and turns the wheel. Something is pushing up from underneath the lid.

TT takes the bathtub from the bathroom and starts to bring it downstairs. Only she loses her connection halfway down and it falls in the middle of the hallway.

John walks upstairs and see what TT has done, sits in the bathtub.

JOHN

You can see me right? Tell me what is

wrong with this picture.

TT

Sorry. I keep losing the wireless

signal. Must be the weather. I would

look for a stronger signal in another

part of the house, but I'd rather not

risk an encounter with my mother.

I battled through her cloud of gin

and derision once already this evening.

JOHN

(Laughing)

Yeah. I hear you.

TT

Yes. Cake, jesters, unfaltering love

and support. Quite a road to hoe there.

Though I suppose I'm complicit for not

informing Social Services about your

condition.

JOHN

I know! What about going outside?

Maybe you could catch a neighbor's

signal.

TT

That presents the same problem. Also,

it's raining, remember? And dark.

JOHN

It's dark already?

TT

Yes, the sun has already had its way

with us here on the east coast. Its

lurid glare has moved on to younger

timezones.

JOHN

Um... ok.

John climbs out of the tub and makes his way back to the CRUXTRUDER. TT picks the tub up and drops it on the lid. The top explodes off and a KERNELSPRITE appears, a blue blinking hovering sphere, with a intricate pattern spinning in the middle.

The lid pops off and falls onto the floor. John notices a COUNTDOWN on the side of the CRUXTRUDER. It is counting down from 4:13. The clock appears at the bottom right corner of the screen.

JOHN

What is this thing? And what is that

clock counting down to?

TT

I've been reading the GameFAQ walkthrough

to figure some of this stuff out. Hold on

while I read further.

JOHN

Okay.

TT

All of these walkthroughs are extremely

short. None progress further than this

point.

JOHN

Weird. Well, I mean it is a new game.

TT

True. Now that the lid is off, you will

need to extrude some "Cruxite".

John turns the wheel on the CRUXTRUDER again and ONE CRUXITE DOWEL, a cylindrical, smooth, light blue object pokes out of the top.

TT

I feel like we should be hurrying.

That countdown is making me nervous.

JOHN

I'm not that worried about it.

TT

Anyway, it looks like you are going

to need this card too.

TT uses the DEPLOY button and sets the PRE-PUNCHED CARD in the corner of the room. John walks over and picks it up, the KERNELSPRITE follows closely behind. The KERNELSPRITE starts babbling in a strange language and flashes blue and white.

JOHN

This thing keeps following me around.

I think it's trying to talk to me or

something.

TT

That is probably the "Kernelsprite".

It apparently needs to be "prototyped".

Twice, actually. Whatever the hell

that means. These walkthroughs are

horrendously written.

JOHN

Hmm. Okay. Well, you are the one with

the cursor so just do whatever you

think is the right thing to do!

Also, fix my bathroom.

TT drops John's PRESENT HARLEQUIN onto the KERNELSPRITE. In a flash of bright light, the KERNELSPRITE now resembles the HARLEQUIN'S HEAD and is FLOATING around the room. The head is surrounded by a GLOWING BLUE CIRCLE. It still speaks gibberish, it just sounds different.

JOHN

I still can't understand this thing's

gobbledygook.

TT

That was only "Tier One" prototyping.

There is still another tier to the

prototyping process. Which for all we

know will merely advance this entity

through increasingly esoteric states

Of linguistics.

JOHN

The clock is ticking. We don't have

enough time for this asinine tomfoolery.

TT

The unmitigated poppycock?

JOHN

Extravagant hogwash! Ok. Let's stop.

I'm going upstairs to the big platformy

thing.

TT

The alchemiter?

JOHN

Huh?

TT

Try to learn the lingo.

John SPRINTS upstairs,the KERNELSPRITE following closely behind. John looks for a slot for the PRE-PUNCHED CARD while talking to TT.

JOHN

There isn't a slot for the card

on here.

TT

Try placing the cruxtide on the

pedestal there in the corner.

John places the CRUXTIDE on the pedestal and a GIANT ROBOTIC ARM UNFOLDS, and uses a LASER attached to the end to SCAN the CRUXTIDE. The KERNELSPRITE starts to speak louder and starts FLASHING BLUE AND WHITE.

TT opens up the ATHENEUM, noticing that a PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECT, medium sized green cubes, has been added.

TT

Try setting the alchemiter for a

perfectly generic object.

John sets the ALCHEMITER for THREE PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS. With three bursts of colorful light, they appear in a stack n the larger platform. It costs 6 units of build grist. A meter appears on the lower left hand corner of the screen, showing hw much grist the kids have out of how many they can get (right now they have 6 grist out of 20).

JOHN

These things are completely

useless! What a waste.

John notices something in the sky out of the corner of his eye. He picks up a TELESCOPE tucked away in the corner of the balcony and points it at the object, DROPPING his dad's CELL PHONE onto the lawn below. John sees a METOR RACING DIRECTLY TOWARDS HIM. The KERNELSPRITE seems AGITATED by it.

The screen splits into thirds. The control disappears, only the countdown and the grist meter remains.

One third shows John walking back to him room, looking extremely nervous. He logs into PESTERCHUM.

Another third shows TT choosing the REVISE button and fixing the floor of the bathroom. The kids now have 2 out of 20 grist left.

The last third shows John's dad trying to open the door, which is jammed by the CRUXTRUDER.

John's third takes over the screen as he begins to chat with TT.

TT

I've worked on the bathroom. But we

are running low on Build Grist.

JOHN

Oh, man, who cares about the bathroom!

There's a meteor headed for my house!

TT

Do you supposed it has anything to do

with the game?

JOHN

I don't know! Maybe! What do I do?

TT

I think it's very likely. The walkthroughs

vaguely suggest on an impending threat before

they end. The already poorly constructed

sentences become even more curt and ambiguous.

as if written hastily and with a sense of alarm.

their dedication to updating the walkthrough

under such circumstances is admirable.

JOHN

(Sarcastically)

Wow. FASCINATING.

TT

If the meteor is a game construct, I think

the only thing to do is proceed, and try

to solve the dilemma on the game's terms.

Try using the lathe. It says you can use

the card on it, but isn't more specific than

that.

JOHN

OK. I'll do that.

TT

Really, it is a labor to read this drivel.

If I read any more my brain will need to be

spoon-fed from a jar while it blows spit

bubbles in a high chair. I think I will write

my own walkthrough. That is, after we make sure

you don't die.

John opens up TG's chat before standing up and walking to the TOTEM LATHE. A TOOL ARM above deploys a configuration of chisels. He then starts to play around with the controls while TG rants.

TG (V.O)

I heard you got the box. I hope you appreciate

my heroic fatherly perseverance in getting it

to you in my rough and tumble dirty

wifebeaterly sort of way also I hope you

appreciate how many no-talent douches had

their mitts on that bunny before you its like a grubby baton in some huge douchebag marathon. Hey, where are you?

John walks over to his computer to talk to TG briefly.

JOHN

Oh man, the bunny was awesome, but I don't

have time to talk. I'm playing SBURB and

it's kind of a nightmare.

TT is breaking everything in my house.

TG

Dude, I told you to steer clear of that

game and for that matter you should probably

wash your hands of flighty broads and their

snarky horse shit altogether.

JOHN

And now there's a meteor coming, and I'm

not even joking about that! It's like

a big asteroid or comet or something. In

the sky. Heading right for my house!

TG

Oh man, how big is it?

JOHN

I dunno. Big, I guess. I gotta go!

We'll talk later if I am still alive and

the earth isn't blown up.

John gets up and runs out the door, into the hallway, and out onto the porch. He takes the CRUXTIDE from the pedestal on the ALCHEMITER and runs back into his room. TG is still talking while John puts the CRUXTIDE between the clamps, and as the BLADES carves curves into the CRUXTIDE.

TG

Seriously, how big is it? Like the size

of Texas or just Rhode Island? They're

always throwing around these geographical

comparisons to give us a sense of scale

like it really means anything to us.

But it's like it doesn't matter it's always

just like: WOW THATS PRETTY FUCKING BIG.

Like Mr. President there's a meteor coming,

sir. Oh yeah, how big is it? Its the size

of Texas, sir. OH SHIT. Or, how big is it?

Its the size of New York City, sir. OH SHIT.

Sir, I'm afraid the comet is the size of

your mom's dick. OH SNAP. Sir, are you

familiar with Jupiter? You mean like the

planet? Yeah. Well it's that big, sir.

Hmm, that sounds pretty big. But I have a

question, is it Jupiter? Yes sir, earth is

literally under siege by planet fucking

Jupiter. OH SHIT. Anyway, later.

The machine finishes carving the CRUXTIDE. John walks over to his computer and opens up a CHAT with TT.

JOHN

Alright, I used the lathe to make this

blue shapey thing. Now I guess I take it

back to the Alchemixer again? Hello?

A SIGN pops up on his screen. TENTACLETHERAPIST (TT) IS NO LONGER CONNECTED!

JOHN

Ummmm...

The screen cuts to the hallway, where TT clicks on the SELECT button, and is trying to move the BATHTUB, only to DROP it outside of John's bedroom door when a CONNECTION LOST sign flashes on the screen. The tub LOCKS John in his room. There is 2 minutes left on the clock.

John walks over to his door and tries to open it. It does budge. He sighs and leans against the door for a second. He walks over to his CON-AIR POSTER and starts YELLING at it while pounding on it with his fists.

JOHN

PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.

I SAID, PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.

WHY COULDN'T YOU PUT THE BUNNY BACK

IN THE BOX?!

John slides to the floor for a moment and sits for a couple of seconds. He eventually gets up and walks over to a LIV TYLER POSTER, and strokes her face.

JOHN

Oh, dear sweet Liv. Oh, If only Affleck

could have been the one to make the final

sacrifice instead of her stubborn, blue

collar, salt-of-the-earth father-

John gets cut off by his computer beeping in the background, his FRIEND, TT, is trying to talk to him.

TT

I'm back.

JOHN

Hurry up and open my door! Not that it

even matters, I think I'm probably dead

no matter what!

TT

Patience. You still haven't used the new

totem.

JOHN

What?!

TT

I believe it will create the item on

the punch card.

JOHN

So what is it, like an apple or something?

What good will that even do?

TT

We'll see. I've found no evidence that

anyone has successfully created the item.

And the content of the card appears to be

variable from session to session. In one

instance it was described as an "eggy loking thign" [sic].

JOHN

Do we have enough of those building jewels

to make it?

TT

According to the Atheneum, it is a free item.

This speaks to its importance, in my view.

Now off you go.

TT clicks on the SELECT BUTTON, and removes John's DOOR off of it's hinges. The removal of the door takes up their last two pieces of GRIST. There is now 43 seconds on the clock. John runs and grabs the CRUXTIDE TOTEM from the clamps of the TOTEM LATHE. John runs to the BALCONY and sets the CRUXTIDE on the smaller pedestal. They have 30 seconds left.

The KERNELSPRITE is acting up. It seems really excited about what's happening. TT stores the PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS from the platform in the PHERNALIA REGISTRY.

The arm on the machine comes down and scans the CRUXTIDE. In a flash of light, a JEWEL-BLUE TREE appears on the platform. A single APPLE is attached to the branch above John's head. The KERNELSPRITE continues to flash and talk like crazy. The APPLE falls into John's hands.

The meteor is rushing towards John's house with increasing fury. John's dad stands alone in the kitchen, confused by the ruckus upstairs. The clock is on its last seconds. The meteor is right on top of John as he moves to take a BITE of the APPLE.

EXT. OVER A SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD- DAY

There is a MASS EXPLOSION where John's HOUSE used to be.

Cut to a TITLE CARD that reads:

Years in the future, but not many...

EXT. A VAST DESERT- DAY

There is a line of footsteps leading across the sand, a towering, half destroyed city lays in the far background. The sky is slightly over cast.

A single being walks the desert. Wrapped in dirty, grey rags, only an eye poking out of one corner. He is covered in a black hard shell. He stops in the sand and looks down. There is a white round platform poking out of a dune.

He walks down and brushes off some of the sand revealing the SBURB LOGO.

END

*NOTE: After the credits, TT's walkthrough appears on the screen for a few seconds.*

Here's the link to that if you want to see it: ?s=6&p=002149

* * *

A/N: Okay. so I took out the sylladex because I thought it would drag out the episode and wouldn't translate well to the screen. I kept everything else in around the same order, and kept most of the original dialogue. Also, if you see things like 'pee' instead of 'piss' or 'freaken' instead of 'fucking', please point them out to me. I originally wrote this to be a children's show, but decided it gets too dark later on in the story. This was about 28 pages long, so this would be a 30 minute show.

It would be nice to get some reviews on this, considering this is my first script AND my first thing to contribute to the Homestuck fandom :)

Thanks for reading!


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